This is what Lucifer's argument likely sounded like in the preexistence

The Grand Inquisitor, a tale told by a character in The Brothers Karamazov. Do read it. In fact, you really should read the whole book. It's quite good.

I love spam

I found this in the comments section of that old blog I found:

While you read this, YOU start to BECOME aware of your surroundings, CERTIAN things that you were not aware of such as the temperature of the room, and sounds may make YOU realize you WANT a real college degree.

Call this number now, (413) 208-3069

Get an unexplained feeling of joy, Make it last longer by getting your COLLEGE DEGREE. Just as sure as the sun is coming up tomorrow, these College Degree's come complete with transcripts, and are VERIFIABLE.

You know THAT Corporate America takes advantage of loopholes in the system. ITS now YOUR turn to take advantage of this specific opportunity, Take a second, Get a BETTER FEELING of joy and a better future BY CALLING this number 24 hours a day.
(413) 208-3069

BOY is this room WARM. And THAT ruckus next door is REALLY annoying. I think...I THINK I'm beginning to REALIZE I want a REAL college DEGREE. I guess IT'S just my way OF fighting back against CORPORATE America. I WANT that better feeling of JOY and a better future. But I WONDER, how can I get a COLLEGE degree if I'm calling THAT number 24 HOURS a day?

This isn't quite from my basement

But it might as well be: saphlak.blogspot.com.

That was me. I thought I'd deleted that blog. Wow. I was, well, exactly as I described myself there. Conservative, a geek, and a Mac lover.

This was while I was still at Fremont. I don't think I ever actually told anyone that it existed—I just wrote on the vague hope that someone would somehow find and read it. High school did me a lot of good.

I was a better writer than I remember myself, at least. And I do still have the same minimalist design philosophy (though perhaps not with such eye-searing color schemes).

Not only does Facebook think I'm a drug addict, but...

It also thinks I'm addicted to gambling:


But, as a consolation, I can at least get a free Ann Coulter (courtesy of Google Reader):

A brief history of Vassals on the Loose, part I

Around May 2004, William Ramsey and I were standing in the parking lot of the McDowell building, likely for some sort of Scouting function. He mentioned to me that he and a friend (Will Wadas, perhaps?) had planned an operetta while on the bus for a band festival. This absolutely captivated my imagination, as I had recently discovered the awesomeness that is Gilbert and Sullivan. Soon I had commandeered the project and was planning out an operetta. I took the title (Vassals on the Loose) and general idea (vassals...on the loose) and ran with them. I researched the middle ages, finding interesting, nearly humorous tidbits in the 1961 World Book Encyclopedia in my basement (remind me to do a post on that). Did you know that the French city of Rouen burned down six times between 1200 and 1225? I planned a Dramatis Personae, with a King, Queen, Vassals, Vassals' wives, and various other characters (including a Baker the Baker. I thought it was funny at the time.). I even wrote the opening song during ward choir practice.

Soon, Will and I began to work in earnest. Throughout the summer we traveled to each others' houses, sitting in front of a computer and writing. We still had very little idea how the story was to end. Thus far we hadn't quite found the absurdist aesthetic you know so well, so we made many lame Gilbert and Sullivan references. For example:

George: Right. . . and what say you, Henry?
Henry: [Mumbles something unintelligible, seems like an insult.]
George: Well, that's two armies.
Henry: What? Oh Big D!
George [riled up]: Oh, what profanities! I am very offended!

(Note also our extremely realistic dialogue.)

Very soon we decided to add the barbarians. After all, the vassals needed an enemy. Seeking to buck the stereotypes of barbarianism, we made the barbarians "cultured and refined/Eloquently defined." This, however, came only after we decided that they would "all wear beards" and all sing tenor. Yes, our absurdism had begun its ascent to center stage. (Sadly, I cannot give an exact account of the development of the storyline; my emails from the time period are lost to the the servers of Walmart Connect, to which I no longer subscribe (thank goodness), and Will's are lost to his odd practice of keeping only 42 emails in his inbox at a time.)

We came to the decision that Will would write the tunes and I would write the accompaniments; from Will's point of view, this meant he was in charge of the music and I was in charge of the lyrics. From my point of view, it meant we were equal partners in both. (Hey, I wanted to write music too. And I didn't want TOTAL blame for the script.) I convinced my mother to buy Finale 2004 so that we could create scores more easily. In all, we were filled with exuberance and optimism for the show. Or at least I was.

And so our story pauses, there in midsummer 2004.

What happened today

I spent the first half of the day tearing shingles off the roof of a house with a pitchfork. Sorry you couldn't come, Michael.

Anyways, the second half of the day I spent, mostly, driving. AcaDeca State was held at Sandra Day O'Connor High School this year. That's in north Phoenix, about an hour away. I drove there in time to see Red Mountain get absolutely creamed at Super Quiz. (I tied their score, and I haven't even read the packets.) Seriously, RM was like 8 points behind CDO.

Anyway, after that I went with the team, for the first time ever, to the mall during the break at State. Previously I'd had All-State auditions to rush to and back from. We went to the only commercial complex anywhere near the high school. There wasn't a whole lot interesting there. We did go to a sporting goods store and buy a football, intending to while away the time with a relaxing game of physical prowess. But some security lady rode up on a golf cart and told us, and I quote, "If you guys want to play football, you'll have to find a field. This is a parking lot." Well, we found a field, and then commenced to go behind the stores into a seldom-used parking lot/driveway. There we played football, with all the finesse and power eight Academic Decathlon competitors could muster. But the security lady was sneakier than we gave her credit for. She drove up again, but this time in a station wagon. We didn't know it was her until too late, so we trudged back toward the van.

Playing football in the hot sun has a tendency to make one thirsty. NIck and I really wanted water. We didn't, of course, want to pay for it. We wanted a water fountain. So we went into Barnes and Noble, where everyone else was. No drinking fountain. So we looked around for other stores that might have that beacon of life within them. We saw a Petco, and when we got in, lo and behold there were two drinking fountains. Eagerly anticipating that luscious nectar of life, I tenderly depressed the valve activator. Nothing came out. I tried the other. Nothing. Thus foiled, we went next door to Staples, which had one (1) drinking fountain. It did work, though.

About then it was time for the awards banquet. I couldn't go, of course: I had no suit and I had no seat. So I went off in search of food. I had a serious jones for some Arby's, and I figured "Hey, how hard could it be to find an Arby's somewhere around here?" Very hard is the answer, it turned out. I drove down the 17 for a bit, and then exited on Bell Road. Turning east, I found many fast food restaurants (including one called "Burger Mania"), but no Arby's. Furthermore, the quality of my surroundings seemed to be degrading, and soon there was not much besides car dealerships around me. I turned around and got back on the 17. Going north a mile or two, I got off again and this time went west. I drove many miles, eventually finding myself at Arrowhead Town Center, where I thought I might find an attractive fast-food restaurant. By this point I was despairing of finding an Arby's, and ready to get something else so that I could return in time for the awards ceremony. I had seen a Panda Express a ways back, so I decided to go there.

Just as a hint, Chinese food is not particularly easy to eat while driving. Using a fork to spear pieces of meat or grab noodles is no mean feat at 45 mph. But I managed it. While I was driving back, I noted an Arby's on the side of the road. The same road I had driven to Panda Express on. It would even have been a nice, convenient right hand turn. At least I got back to the school in time.

For some reason, the powers that be had decided to hold the awards ceremony in Sandra Day O'Connor's miniscule auditorium. They had to place about 20 of the teams behind the tables holding the medals and trophies. We all crammed in somehow, and the ceremony happened. CDO won, by more than 3000 points. Red Mountain came in second, beating Mountain view by a whole 63 points. Yeah. They deserved it; they were a very good team and had worked very hard.

One last thing: I, um, accidentally tailgated Mountain View's coach Mr. Canaday on the way home. You see, he passed me on the 202, driving a large white MPS van, and I kind of assumed that it was Miss Christensen. So I sped up and followed the van. When it finally pulled over to get off at Gilbert, I looked over to see who was driving. Mr. Canaday. I wonder if he noticed.

Overheard on campus

People say very dumb things in public, frequently loud enough for me to hear them. These are just a few:

• "She said if I hook up with other girls not to tell her."


• "You are so ****ing weird sometimes!"
  "Well, maybe you should just ****ing shut the **** up!"


• "I am dead sober right now."


• "Well, we wouldn't have to be sober. But I'd rather be sober."

This is a beautiful sight

On my ASU home page. Very nice, don't you think?