I rather enjoy a well-written multiple-choice test. I can even appreciate a somewhat mediocre one. But some tests that I've encountered just turn my stomach. Taking a multiple-choice test that was thrown together with no consideration of distracters or potential objections is not fun.
I had to take such a test yesterday. My new purpose in life is to make all multiple choice tests of the mediocre or better variety. In other words, I will eradicate all awful tests.
My first task is to educate the world in the true art of the multiple-choice test. So we begin with a short diagnostic quiz:
1. How frequently do you use the answer "none of the above" in your multiple choice tests?
a) maybe once a test
b) every page or so
c) about every other question
d) It is my favorite phrase; I sometimes use it more than once per question.
e) none of the above
2. How about "all of the above"?
a) as infrequently as possible
b) whenever the question number is prime
c) whenever the question number is divisible by a prime
d) as frequently as possible, especially where it makes no sense
e) all of the above
3. Do all of your questions have the same number of choices?
a) yes
b) no
c) all of the above
4. Does every question have an unambiguously correct answer?
a) of course
b) yes
c) mmhmm
d) sure!
e) none of the above
5. Are your distractors reasonable?
a) yes
b) green
c) I LOVE UNICORNS!!!
d) 3
e) Good day sir. My name is Frederic Armand. I am here to meet with you on the topic of the growing unrest in our natal village. Do you expect to be able to meet with the mayor regarding the rebellion led by Mr. Nance?
6. What is a distractor?
a) a wrong answer
b) a right answer
c) Oh, look! Ponies!
d) something meant to confuse the test taker
e) all of the above
7. In a test
a) which uses question stems with answer choices to fill in the blanks, I make sure all the completions are parallel
b) questions are asked
c) people are supposed to give the right answer
d) I make sure to have only one wrong answer per question
e) green
8. Do you use those weird College Board style test questions with the Roman numerals?
I. Only when appropriate.
II. Yes.
III. No.
IV. Every single question.
V. Huh?
a) I only
b) II only
c) III only
d) IV only
e) V only
f) I and II
g) I and III
h) I and IV
i) I and V
j) II and III
k) II and IV
l) II and V
m) III and IV
n) III and V
o) IV and V
p) I, II, and III
q) I, II, and IV
r) I, II, and V
s) I, III, and IV
t) I, III, and V
u) I, IV, and V
v) II, III, and IV
w) II, III and V
x) II, IV, and V
y) III, IV, and V
z) I, II, III, and IV
aa) I, II, III, and V
ab) I, II, IV and V
ac) I, III, IV and V
ad) II, III, IV, and V
ae) I, II, III, IV, and V
af) You thought I'd stop there, didn't you?
ag) all of the above
ah) none of the above
ai) You think I'm done now? Hah!
aj) I doubt you'll be able to enter this option on your scantron. Too bad it's the right answer.
ak) Just kidding. THIS is the right answer.
al) Okay, now I'm done.
9. As a test author, I appear to test takers as
a) intelligent, articulate, and considered
b) barly litrate
c) really really nitpicky
d) absurdly pedantic
e) the teacher
am) Did you really think that was seriously the last answer? That's too bad.
11. How many typos to yo make per tes?
a) zero
v) 1-ten
c) fifteen
d) 27
w) all of th eabove
11. On my tests, takers wonder whether what the question is asking
a) never
b) frequently
c) True
an) Fnord
d) False
e) Strongly agree
SCORING: If you still haven't figured out what you're doing wrong when you write multiple choice tests, you should probably just give up now.
ao) Made you look.
