Thoughts

I looked at the sacrament meeting program today, and noticed the section on the back listing names and addresses of missionaries currently serving from our ward. Not too far in the future, my name and address will be on that list. I wonder who will make use of it. I almost certainly wouldn't. I think I've written my grandparents, who have gone on three missions, a grand total of four times. And if I do that poorly at communicating with such close family, it's easy to extrapolate my record at writing to other people: zilch. Even people I know and am on friendly terms with I write nothing to.

All this is to say that I probably don't deserve to be written to while on my mission. If the measure we mete will be meted to us again, it seems I'm due for approximately two letters. Maybe I'll get one each Christmas. Or maybe save one for my 21st birthday. It's so hard to choose. So I'm now terrified I won't receive any appreciable mail while serving in Fiji or Finland or the Falklands. (I really doubt there's a Falklands mission. Really, really doubt it.)

Of course, there is a simple solution to this: deathbed repentance. I could simply unleash a deluge of missives on every missionary I know. But I don't know where to start. ("Hey, Robson. I'm writing you because I'm deathly terrified no one will write me when I go and I don't want to ruin my karma. Sooo, um, how's the...work...going, Elder?") Even then, if I'm writing for the express motive of building up correspondence karma, I doubt it will be very effective. So I'm going to have to do something like write letters of my own accord, because I genuinely want to know what's going on and think they want to hear from me. Dang it. That's hard.

I don't start conversations. I'm bad at it, and it seems inconsistent with my personality. I think someone suddenly receiving a raft of epistles from me would be somewhat surprised and rather frightened. And I really can't think of anything to talk about beyond the standard "how's the work?" Which is generic and lame. No missionary wants to receive a letter asking that. I certainly don't. But what else is there to talk about with a missionary? "So, gone on any dates recently?" "How many companions have you gotten to hate your guts yet?" "Have you shaken the dust off your feet at someone who's rejected you yet?" "How many evil spirits have you had to cast out?"

Perhaps I'm being overly self-conscious. Maybe those would be good questions to ask. I'd like receiving them. But it's still hard to hold a conversation, even over a medium such as the postal service, with someone I don't normally talk much to. So have pity on me and write me letters on my mission, even if I don't write you any.