Times New Roman kills

There are a number of facts about fonts everyone should be aware of. Calibri often induces an uncontrollable desire to hug the printed word. The use of Arial has been linked with terminal unoriginality. And Times New Roman, well, Times New Roman has a tendency to drive readers to murder.

Who wouldn’t, after seeing those demonic curves, those mind-crushingly heavy lines, those rapier-sharp serifs? The “h,” “m,” and “n” seem to bind the free human spirit and cram it within a single letter. The absurd “g” with two constrictive loops handcuffs the eyes and chains them to the dense, heavy print upon the page. The alternating lines, one ridiculously thick and the next paper-thin, make for a blatantly dull, impenetrable block of text that seems to quash the soul beneath its heavy load. The letterforms of Times New Roman puncture the human consciousness, leaving gaping holes of revulsion and repugnance.

And then they are repeated. And repeated. And repeated. Repeated. Repeated. Times New Roman cannot be evaded. It permeates our world. Every student paper, every hastily contrived flyer, every amateur website employs this deadly font. Times New Roman follows us everywhere. There is no escape. It surrounds us, crushing our souls with its banal arcs and lines. We must end this torture. Humanity deserves better.

Please refrain from using the typeface Times New Roman.