My basement is a magical place, full of interesting things

Like this:

It's the score to a musical by that master composer Lex de Azevedo. Here's the table of contents:

Take a gander at these lyrics:
How can I know how far I can go before my first date?
I think I should know.
How can I know how far I can go before my first kiss?
I really should know.
Should I take his hand and politely follow his lead?
Or do I refuse him?
And say that I need some small reassurance of his proper respect.
A coat in the mud or a sword for protection.
Three chapter ones should suit me quite nicely.
A light on the porch when we're home at precisely
nine oh two.
...
when he says, "Come on babe." Do I have to say no?
Can't I go along once for a dangerous ride?
...
[spoken] Solomon: Now just remember, your virtue is more precious than rubies and pearls.
Debbie: Yeah, but Ruby and Pearl have a lot more fun, you know what I mean?

[a different song now]
It's an answer for a million circumstance of the sort where you can't make up your mind which way to go.
...say No!
...
He wants a little action but to his dissatisfaction you simply tell him where to go

[another song]
Elder Packer, you're a man a girl can trust.

[one more]
If someone really cared the world would stop.
But please don't let it end, oh please don't let it end before I drink my soda pop!
...
If someone really cared I would be spaced.
Might even want to join the human race.

[the last one I'm quoting]
Have you heard, have you heard, have you heard what they're wearin'?
Have you heard what they're wear-in' at Poly High?
Can I get one, mama? Please, mama. It's gonna make me popular!

Did I mention that this was written in 1981? I could see something like this for an attempt in the 1960s to talk with teens, but not the 1980s. This is just terminally, hilariously lame.

Not to mention that the score does not include the dialogue, so I have no idea what the musical is actually about. Bonus points if you come up with a story that fits the song titles and lyrics here.