Fred

I'd like you all to meet Fred.

Fred is the guy who narrates everyone's Facebook statuses. He sits in the cloud all day, doing the tedious work of informing everyone of what you are doing. Fred's is a thankless job, but he never gives up. He keeps slogging along, no matter how tired he is or how ticked at his wife.

Sure, he messes things up once in a while. Or at least we think he does. Like when someone says "Sanjay Telemann is going to the store with my brother." We think Sanjay just messed up and should have said "his." But the truth is, Sanjay's going to the store with Fred's brother. Just think about how Fred feels about that. He's stuck up there in the cloud while every single member of his family and all his friends go do fun things with people whose statuses Fred writes. You'd think Fred would give himself a break once in a while and write himself into your status, but he's too nice. He's happy enough just to do his job, working all day and all night just to make you happy.

Next time you change your Facebook status, be sure to thank Fred. Without him, none of this would be possible.