I'm so glad to be 18 (or, something not quite from my basement)

I got this at some point during high school. I am quite excited to find out what happens when I turn 18:



It looks lovely. Hoping to have my hopes for the future crushed further, I open the booklet. Here I learn that it teaches me my "Legal Rights & Responsibilities upon Becoming An..."



And also, apparently that 18-year-olds get clocks with wings or something. And alcohol. Alcohol is important. It's the first topic:



Of course, I'm not allowed to drink it. There are a lot of punishments for drinking it. So they want you to know that. But! I "can finally get my own bank account."



WITH EGGS! HOW AWESOME IS THAT!?!?! And when I'm buying shiny new things with the money in that bank account, it's good to know that I, as a consumer, can be protected:



That consumer obviously wasn't protected. And she paid the price. Look at that ugly purse. It's HORRID!

Blah blah blah I can make contracts:



And put myself into exorbitant debt...



...buying ugly gift bags from the seventies.

And also be arrested by policemen who don't know how to use actual handcuffs. Or maybe that's just the Mafia.



Best of all, I can FINALLY cut up an apple ALL BY MYSELF! With a REAL KNIFE!



I mean get divorced.

That's not the worst of it. But I think that's enough for now.